A lesson on blessing/cursing - my fear, means my son cannot overcome his fear!
Always learning things. Lessons about blessings/curses and flow of channel from parent to child.
Our 12 year old son - has many health challenges. Over the last 2 years and escalating to an intense level in the last 6 months, he has had severe pain in his gut and head - causing some pretty scary aggressive and violent behaviour. Without the communication to tell us what has been wrong, unfortunately it has taken us a long time to work out the reason for the problems. Recently, with some dietary and supplement changes, we believe the Lord has eliminated the pain that has caused the behaviour. He typed to us on his communication board that the pain was gone. Praise God! Halleluljah! I've often said that if we could eliminate the "plopping" in his head (as he described it), a lot of our problems would be fixed.
So it's all fixed right? No - the next zone: We believe he went through a zone of oppression / harassment by Satan and his agencies. He was daily struggling with crippling fear / paranoia. It was a fear that the pain would come back. All day long, he was having struggles with these thoughts and manifesting it in the exact same behaviours, as the pain had caused - still screaming, throwing things, breaking things, hitting us, kicking us. We did a lot of praying daily. Learnt a lot about ourselves.
Unfortunately, over the last couple of years - living with this behaviour from our son - and trying to deal with it - has meant that we have developed our own paranoia / fear cycle. We were living in fear of anything causing his aggression and violence to manifest.
One of the fears that I had developed, was fear that if our son saw what I was eating which he couldn't eat or saw me cooking food that he couldn't eat, this would set off a barrage of behaviour. So I started to do cooking when he had gone to sleep at night (hence not getting enough sleep myself at times) and eat in the walk-in pantry, or eat at odd times so I wasn't discovered; and I found myself eating really fast, to get the mealtime over with - almost a chore to have to eat. You would think by my behaviour, I was eating wicked food - but it was normal food (fruits, veggies etc). And while I am eating, I am almost in a state of panic that he will come through the door and see my food - hence my digestion was getting worse. You need to be relaxed to digest food properly.
Assessing my situation, one day last week (I was trying to do some cooking during the day) - I realised that all day long I was in a state of panic.
God showed me my mistake: the channel concepts / blessing concepts, that what is in our hearts as parents, we flow in blessings or curses to our children - that meant that if I am in panic / fear all day long, and I am expecting him to resist the temptation to be in fear / panic, I am expecting the impossible. My fear shows that I am not trusting God to help me through the barrage of behaviour if it comes. So it is unfair to pray for my son to not be living in fear. My fears allowed the devil to have access to my son to fuel his fears!
I repented of my evil in not trusting God, and asked Him to help me to live according to the text: 2Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. "
Oh we have so much to "Unlearn", so much to repent of, so much to "re-learn" - so much growth needed to become like Christ in our manner of dealing with our children. We have so much need for complete trust in God - if I trusted my whole heart to God, I would have no cause for fear at all. Then my son would have greater chance of overcoming his fear.
Praise God for this probationary time. Praise God that through the trials we are growing in our trust of God in every area of our lives; and we are more and more yearning for the Holy Spirit to be in our hearts to make us like Christ.
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Last Updated (Thursday, 30 June 2011 04:46)