The Testimony of Jesus and Paul on Marriage

From the book Harden Not Your Hearts

Some Pharisees came and tried to trap Him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” Jesus answered them with a question: ”What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.” But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Later, when He was alone with His disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:2-12

The ability for a man to divorce his wife and marry another was provided in the law of Moses. Jesus frames the words of Moses in an astonishing way. He said that the law on divorce was given by means of a concession to their hard hearts. This raises many questions about how to understand the law of Moses. Why would God place things in the law that were concessions to the hard hearts of men? We will expand this thought process later in the book, but let us stay with the theme of divorce for the present.

The New Testament Greek word for hard hearts is sklērokardia which means dry heart. The Strong’s Concordance adds this thought:

that is, (specifically) destitution of (spiritual) perception: - hardness of heart.

The implication here is that divorce takes place when a heart resists the Spirit of God. The spirit is symbolised by water and the water of the Spirit prevents the heart from becoming hard. Therefore, divorce reveals evidence that one or both parties in a marriage have obstructed the appeals of God through His Spirit.

In answering the Pharisees, Jesus indicates that divorce was not part of God’s plan. When a man and woman marry, they become one flesh. Jesus then states that what God has put together, let no man split apart. Simply put, God never splits marriages. Later on, Jesus explains further to the disciples:

Later, when He was alone with His disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:10-12

Jesus states here that no one can divorce their spouse and marry someone else. But what about the one who is divorced?

“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.” Luke 16:18, NKJV

This places the wife in a very tough position. If a man divorces his wife and marries someone else, whoever would marry her would commit adultery, making such a transaction impossible.

Does that seem fair? Why would Jesus say this? Is there more to the principles of marriage that would place these statements in a more compassionate context?

Turning to other places in Scripture, the apostle Paul appears to amplify the words of Jesus when he says:

For example, when a woman marries, the law binds her to her husband as long as he is alive. But if he dies, the laws of marriage no longer apply to her. Romans 7:2

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:39

According to these Scriptures, when two people marry, they vow to remain together until death. Marriage is a life long journey and as long as your spouse is alive, you are considered by heaven to be married to them regardless of the circumstances. God has made you one flesh, and what God puts together, let no one tear it apart.

One very reasonable question that is asked is “what if the life of a spouse is in danger from the other spouse?” The words of Paul might be applicable here.

But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

Paul interprets the words of the Lord, meaning Christ, to say that a wife must not leave her husband and a husband must not leave his wife. But if they do separate, they should remain single. How then should we interpret Paul’s words a few verses later?

(But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)
1 Corinthians 7:15 NLT

Some interpret these words to mean that as a spouse is no longer bound, and therefore they are free to remarry. But this understanding contradicts what Paul says a few verses earlier as well as later in verse 39. To be consistent, Paul is simply saying that a believer should not force an unbelieving spouse to live with them. The text says nothing about remarriage.

Is this the final word on this subject? No. Matthew records the words of Jesus regarding marriage with a footnote not found anywhere else in the New Testament.

“But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” Matthew 5:32, KJV

“And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9, KJV

We will examine these passages more closely in the next chapter. For now, we can say that the majority of Christianity in the last 500 years have used these two texts to make the case that the victim of a spouse who commits adultery is free to divorce and marry another person.

Is Jesus offering an exception to the principle of life long union? Did Paul forget to mention this exception? Is a woman bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives, except if he commits adultery? Paul does not indicate this. If this is an omission on his part, should it be considered human oversight? For those of us who consider the Bible to be the inspired word of God, this is impossible. We dare not guess on this question for eternal consequences are involved.

The question we need to ask is can these two texts in Matthew nullify the principle of life long commitment until death? If we wish to be honest with Scripture, then how can we harmonise all the texts together?

Within the context of the Adventist movement, we have an added layer of information to consider from Ellen White. Notice what she wrote in 1863.

I saw that Sister Johnson as yet has no right to marry another man, but if she or any other woman should obtain a divorce legally on the ground that her husband was guilty of adultery, then she is free to be married to whom she chooses.

I saw that Sister Johnson was not free to marry again. —Manuscript Releases, Vol. 17, 156.2-3, June 6, 1863

Here, Ellen White, supports “innocent party” remarriage. In 1895 she offers her thoughts on another case.

J did not put his wife away. She left him, and put him away, and married another man. I see nothing in the Scripture that forbids him to marry again in the Lord. He has a right to the affection of a woman....

I cannot see that this new union should be disturbed. It is a serious matter to part a man and his wife. There is no scriptural ground upon which to take such a step in this case. He did not leave her, she left him. He did not marry again until she had obtained a divorce. When K divorced herself from J he suffered most keenly, and it was not until K had married another man that J married again. The one he has chosen I feel certain will be a help to him, and he can be a help to her....I see nothing in the Word of God that would require her to separate from him. As you have asked my advice I will freely give it to you.—Letter 50, 1895. Selected Messages, Book 2, 340.1-2

It is upon statements like this from Ellen White that many Adventists have gone forward with a clear conscience and married again after their partner committed adultery and divorced them.

Is this the complete restoration of the marriage institution to God’s design? Could it be like Moses, a concession to hard hearts? We need to dig deeper into Scripture because the remarriage exception clause spoken by Jesus in Matthew seems to be at variance with the words of Jesus in Mark and Luke, as well as the words of Paul in Romans, and 1 Corinthians.