His Love Constrains Me

Without notice tears began to flow. I did not imagine how long I would have to wrestle before I could log in to this website again. It’s been a while, a long while, maybe too long since I began to battle for my soul; Facing trials that meant reality or unreality, truth or error, eternal loss or apprehension and ultimately life or death. These were serious times and they presented serious issues that demanded nothing less than an absolute of that which is from above and from the Father.

My wife is lying peacefully beside me; I have tried so hard to keep these tears from her. A faithful one and beloved, she would have noticed the tears of joy that flowed the moment I saw the faces of my brethren. Many faces I was quite fond of yet most never met. She has been with me through these times; I have been a handful to her these past months. We have enjoyed the times together; the laughter; the playful moments, braved disturbing losses; many struggles; the sickness; the sorrow; the pain.

We have prayed together, petitioned the Father, shed tears; pleaded on our knees. The intensity of the moment has been nerve wrecking to say the least. Spending close to one and a half years of marriage so easily seemed like a lifetime or heartache, yet at the same moment a breath of fresh air and a sigh of relieve. Difficult moments fade away and years become as yesterday. Many brethren have enquired, many prayed, many left, others came; she has been by my side.

Now she sleeps; my bride. She will see this in the morning and call me over the phone. I would have to hide my face again or bold out the remnant tears of sweet memories at staring colleagues. But bold or hide, the flood never stops at a single view of brothers and sisters. Why the tears, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fellowship, maybe the cause for which we fellowship, maybe the love, maybe the quality of being, maybe the gentleness; maybe it’s the truth of the Father and Son that binds hearts, maybe it’s the love of God that is shed abroad in our hearts, maybe the simple grace of our Lord. Yet all I know is without notice tears began to flow.

The end is near and trials will come. All will fade away. His love and joy will be abundant, His peace everlasting. The future is in the Fathers hands, mine hid in Christ, His will He will do in me. I only pray and hope for His leading, walking in His way, holding high His banner of truth having an eternal joy knowing that whatever this life presents we would meet one day yet face to face when we taste of His life forever with Him; Forever in the arms of the beloved. His love constrains me and brings tears down my eyes.