I would like to share with you my story and how God led me in my life. I hope this helps others in growing in faith.
When I was a child, I started to be interested in spiritual things. In high school, I had a school-mate who was an adventist. We talked a lot about the Bible and God, but that was all, I did not pray and these things did not became personal for me until something happened. When I was 17 years old, I became ill. I had to cough a lot. The doctors examined me and it turned out that half of my throat was disabled, because I had a brain tumour which was in a very dangerous location. I had to pass a dangerous operation.
The night before the operation was the hardest night of my life. Near death, the man can see clearly what he did wrong in his life. I saw that people hurt me and caused me pain but I did the same to others. I also caused pain to others and it was too late to fix it. I knew that the operation could end badly. That night could be my last night in my life. I was alone in the dark of the hospital room and I felt the weight of my sin. Spiritual darkness surrounded me and my state was hopeless in front of me. I remembered what I had read in the Bible and how Jesus struggled in the garden of Getsemane. He was alone in the dark and felt the weight of the sin of all mankind. He also felt, that his mission was useless, because He came into this world to love people and almost everybody hated Him. Nobody understood Him and his mission. His disciples left Him. Peter denied Him three times and Judas betrayed Him. "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted." However He made the decision of sacrificing his life, although nobody loved Him. At that night I realized that I was responsible to the death of the Son of God. What I did caused Him to suffer and die. But I also realized that He made this sacrifice for me to live and He would not want me to perish. My only hope was that this sacrifice was too big to be useless and I was absolutely sure that Jesus would forgive me. As I clinged in this hope, the spiritual darkness disappeared and I felt peace in my heart. I felt the presence of God. I won my first spiritual battle, however I had not known how to fight before. That is how Jesus became my personal saviour.
The operation was successful. It is a miracle that I am still alive and healthy. A new chance was given to me and I decided to live a better life. Several years passed and I finally started to go to the church. At first I had many good experiences but later I started to see the problems. My parents are not believers and they were against me because I attended the church. The situation became so bad that they wanted to send me away from home. The church members knew my problem but did nothing. At that time a woman was disfellowshipped because of her views on Roman 7. I did not really understood the problem, but I saw that the process of the church was not good. The church became the biggest obstacle in my spiritual life.
I had to fight a two front battle and did not know what to do. I decided not to go to the church any more. Later nobody tried to contact me why I left the church. I just wanted to live a peaceful life. I wanted to have a family, wife, children. I tried to find a decent woman, but I experienced lots of humiliating and ridiculous rejection. Almost 15 years passed since I had left the church and my dreams did not become reality. I did not understand why I was rejected all the time. Finally I gave up. My soul was broken. I started to pray and poured out my heart and soul in front of God. I can say that I had left God but He never left me. He never forgot me. He waited until He could talk to me again. He was there when I wanted to find Him again. After I prayed, I understood that my former experience in the hospital changed me. I became a different man. Someone who faces the death starts to value the spiritual things. But this world is a demonic world. This is Satan's world and he has many agents and people love the earthly treasures more. Many people feels that I am different and that is why I experienced lots of rejection. Although I did not attend the church, I still adhered to my christian values. I never gave up them and as a christian, the world will always reject me. There is no place in this world for me.
I also understood that the peaceful life and family were my idols. It is good if we can live such life, but Jesus did not present such example for us. The true love of life is a self denial life. God called us to be heroes who present to the world what it means to love. And I wanted to avoid the fight. I wanted to retreat. Even worse I blamed God on my misery. I realized that my justice is like the dirty cloth in front of God's eye. My idols folded out and I found peace with God again. I felt the same peace I had felt in the hospital before. I also started to live a different life. It was not really intentional. Customs disappeared from my life and new customs came. Later I realized that I experienced the death of my self, christian reborn and victory over sin. The enmity against God disappeared and I started to live a different life. I also understood that the woman who had been disfellowshipped was right. My experience proofs it.
I started to attend the church again. I found the church was much worse state than before. When I found documents on the internet regarding the Trinity debate, I started to investigate it by myself. I prayed God because I did not see what the truth is. I saw how the church disfellowship people. I did not trust the church and I did not trust myself either. So I prayed and God showed me things. He started to teach me. He often gave me a piece of puzzle which was illogical but fitted in the big picture. Many times I did not understand it and how it fitted into the big picture but God led me step by step. I started to see the connection between the things. I started to see why the three angels message is a solid immovable platform. I testify that what I read and heard from Adrian Ebens is in harmony with the things God taught me. I also started to see where the church is heading and it perplexed me a lot. Then God gave me another piece of information which strengthened me. I think He did not want to lie to me. I left the church once and He did not want me to do it again. He did not want to hide the future from me and showed me what to expect.
I started to work for the church members. I see that there are several, who is open for greater truth. I try to avoid useless debate. Many times I just ask which make the others to think. "One who ask correctly already gave half of the answer." I experienced many times that the Holy Spirit gave me the proper world when I talked to others. Several months ago, a woman, who is one of those who prepare people for baptism, asked me why I do not want to be baptized. I confessed that I do not believe in the Trinity and I also have problems with other things. I told her my story and how God led me to this recognition and I cannot deny this and betray God. I also told her that I experience the fruit of the Spirit in my life. She said that in this case the church would not accept me and they would not baptize me. It was painful to hear that, however I had known that this was the case. I am alone and there is nobody with me who shares my faith, but God teaches me to stand alone.
It is quite difficult to love those people who reject me and alienated from me. Recently I learned that I am still lacking of true agape love. I am capable of only the fileo love. But I also recognized that the second part of the heavenly sanctuary where we can learn the true agape love. God wants me to go in that direction because the world is starved such people who can show to the world what the agape love is.
"And the remnant of Jacob shall be in the midst of many people as a dew from the Lord, as the showers upon the grass, that tarrieth not for man, nor waiteth for the sons of men." Mik 5:7
This is my story. Thank you for reading it.
God bless you!