My Struggle

I find it interesting to see how Satan panics when he see's that you're making decisions that he knows will ultimately lead you back on to the right path. For the past few days I have withdrawn from a lot of things in an attempt to draw closer to God. I've found that Satan will instantly throw me into a situation where I am inclined to turn back towards those things rather than fall on my knees.

I really struggle with this as my natural reaction is to pick up the phone and talk to my partner (the fix it dude.) And when he's not available I'll turn to someone else. Anyone else BESIDES God. My Loving father. The one who CREATED me. Who knows me better than any man ever could.

The underlying issue is the fact that I don't actually trust Him... which is a result of the fact that I don't actually KNOW Him. With human concepts in mind, I assume to know what God intends for me... And I draw my own conclusions as to how I think God will react.... But God says, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." Isaiah 55:8

Satan desires to prevent me from coming to that knowledge of God and He is desperately trying to sway my thoughts. I have been under attack almost constantly.... And I find it really discouraging as people who I know to be of a relatively good standing with God tell me that I am in a place where, rather than ministering to others, I need to be ministered to. I simply find that I draw  a lot closer to God when I am sharing.... As opposed to listening to someone preach to me.

I'm torn. I'm not sure if I'm simply trying to put myself where God doesn't want me... or Satan is trying to deter me from moving forward.